Eh..... 2024
What a lame and banal year 
Nothing crazy to say except my mental health is destroyed n i went backkkkkkkkkkkk into self harm
I only saw deh bad, I cannot see deh good n I only perceive more what is real and what is imaginary
I finished this year badly with only crashouts to crashouts n mental breakdowns
N I also broke my graphic tablet :( 
Leté hope that 2025 will b okay.... hoping also dat meh mental health will b okay n dat I have the help I wanted 
Habbi new year <3
30/12/2024 - (Mon)2deyh I saw Sonic 3 n I luved it plus I'm started to get attached 2 Shadow, he iz so cute 
I have nun 2 syh in Sonicz moviez but deh 3 DEF BEAT ALL DEM UP 
Anyways after dat I went home n som1 triggered my ahh n thennnnnn woooo I came back wif harsh dark toughts n self harm... I AM SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT
I feel so bad am such a piece of shit
So much like a piece of shit I called a suicide hotline coz I self harmed SO DAMN BAD THIS NIGHT I cut deeper n harder n it leaves me huge scars (TДT)
Thank you to this woman that led me some times for me, I feel less alone.... her advices made me feel good
Her first advice was def to talk to someone you can trust
I already talked to my step father about my self harm addiction. He came and saw me to see if I am okay and if I am doing it
My mom wanted to book me a therapist but she canceled it. She said it's useless and that I'm following a tiktok trend.....
I didn't havre Tiktok during that time (T-T
)
I will see a school nurse n imma talk abt it, I am so addict of self harm.... I AM SO ADDICTED IT HURTS ME,,,, IT HURTS MEE :'(
Anywayz my wrists hurts atp there's a lot of blood that is flowing on my bed idk what to do....
25/12/2024 - (Tue)MERRY CHRSITMAS
2deyh meh uncle n meh cousinz came to eat wif us N OMG IT WUZ SO GUD
WE OPENED GIFTZ, I had a camera! A KODAK!!! I HELLA LUV KODAK YAYAAAAAAAAAAA
NVM WE ATE WELL, WE CHATTED N I gave my uncle a ref N HE KEEPZ USING IT #beriidaqueenofrefz
N idk whyyyy HE BRANG US TO THE CEMETARY 
IN CHRISTMAS
ROFLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Apart of dis, I LUV chrsitmas n I LUVED SO MUCH MY MENTAL HEALTH upgraded n I felt less isoled n more appreciated n present!!!! I LUV CHRSITMAS HEHEHE!
20/12/2024 - (Fri)Deh days r done n hail deh vacationz!
I am so tired now
Another pathetic day
today, a dude sticked out of me, so annoying, I got off high school, he wanna flirt with me.... he lives next to my high school, he told me, ts dude was like 25-30....
Like leave me alone I am minor ion wanna som1 in my life 
Nvm he was following me n flirted with me he wanted my address n he wanna know everything abt it was AWFUL 
I have to lie abt a lot of shit I was not okay I was shaking, last year, it happened to me n it end up with SA. Ion want it to happen a second time. In any case the police won't believe me at all if I talk abt it, it's not rlly surprising coming from the police
Plus ts dude wanted us to b in an elevator, only us two... ewww
I kno wut it gon happen, I KNO PERFECTLY SADLY..........
I'm starting to avoid him, he is now asking my number, he is starting to be aggressive, he looked like he gon hit me at any moment if I say no. Nvm, I'm not giving it to him, I lied saying it's my mom's number n I'm waiting for a proper number for myself. Thank God he leaved me alone, I was so fucking scared, so scared I send a lot of mssgs to my friends and my mom, I didn't kno what to do.............
So yeahhhhhhhh I have enough I hate men they annoying me hail women hail lesbians at this point 
In dis moment Im of crash out to crash outs ITZ AWFUL
I am so stressed lately it's super hard for me
I cracked on twt, thing U SHOULD NEVER DO esp as an autistic n sensitive person....
Liek I started to schizo post n it wuz awful asl coz idk
Normally nobody gaf n ppl would think I'll do it 4 attention... I am super uncomfortable... I need to express myself n talk n wut I feel N I DO IT WITH THE WORST WAY EVER
I got my ahh back into self harm coz it's THE ONLY THING I DESERVE!!! Even death
I think a lot abt suicide, a lot....
I think in January I will planify deh paracetamol method
But at deh same time, ion wanna kms.... Not coz I feel trendy, but my mom is stopping me tbh. I am not killing myself now becausr of my mom. I think a lot about her and I really love her and it's makes me so fucking sad that she struggled her whole life for deh final she lose her daughter for such a RETARDED reason coz her daughter is not mentally stable...
I am so stressed for being honest... I have enough I am unhappy tbh, I AM UNHAPPY I AM SO SAD MEH BEDROOM IS A DISASTER SO MY LIFE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is why I'm sticking out of something and some characters I have a lot of affection... Like I do wif COD in this moment. I kno it's annoying everyone dat I keep doing COD art n even yapping bout it but I'm finding a lot of comfort in COD n I fw it a lot.... Even I AM NOT UPDATED ALLAT (MW3 n COD MOBILE LMAO). I'm watching a lawt of gameplays n I LOVE IT SO MUCH it gives me comfort in my shitty life.
This is why I'm also sticking out easily to characters..... 
like I do with Farah, but hey it's getting obsessive tbh n all meh friends say it to me.....
I've printed pictures of her, I have a whole ass folder on my high school PC wos I named "Farah luv collection" N I DREW HER A LOT, EVEN TOO MUCH FROM WHAT MY FRIENDS SAID
I really love Farah it's so bad ion find some moots to talk bout it so I feel alone sometimes... 
........
But yeah it's true it's obsessive n cringe
Esp when I draw her with my sona n when I gave my self harm marks ON HER. I kno she doesn't have it it will b so weird if she had coz why tf a 32 yo woman will cut herself..... esp when we kno her personality... SHE WILL NEVER DO DAT
But diz is why I love her.... I'm so attached to her I put my sufferings n venting on her coz idk how to express MY sufferings
It's awful as hell thinking bout it but I love it so that's my business
Mb am goin 2 deh bed i cannot even do ts....
06/12/2024 - (Thu)I am in a such in emotional distress itz ANNOYING Q.Q
I am so stressed I can't even do anything but I'm such a piece of shit n I will never succeed in my life...... (=_=)
Anywayz I have toooo much things to do n it annoys me why I'm blocked.... like everytime my brain freezes when there's too much infoz, which means ion means everything n I can't follow up ha class n then I strugglez n cry bout it doin nothing....... ugh I HATE my student life, itz nawt 4 meh
Anywayz I will go 2 deh bed till I'm goinn crazy
I will seriously need to do sum organizator or bs like ts ...
ANYWAYZZZZ I AM SOOPER MEGA HABBI!
I FINALLY FULLY MODDED MEH PC, MAKING IT DEH STYLE OF WINDOWS XP, OH NO NO NOOOO
I WENT FAR FRUM DAT, I MODIFIED A LAWT OF THINGZ N "HACKED" THINGZ 4 a pretty boot in Windows XP style n deh logon style ^^! I AM SO HAPPY!!!! >_<
Mai 2000s project IS GOING SO WELL HHEHEHHEHEHE
Anywayz also derz liek a huge protest so Ion have much classes.... only 2 hourz #ifwmyfranceheavy xoxo 
N also 4 a friend I bring up his crush but we didn't talked to him dat much ####SOSHYACTUALLY Q.Q
Dani am soru, I think he wuz super shy... U r so cool ALSO >_____<
ANYWAYZ UHM ITZ NAWT A RLLY GOOD DAY TBH BUT 2MORROW GON B BETTER SO ITZ OKI 
Even am sick I am always SWAGGGGGGGGGGG B) +°•.
Anywayssss our replacing teacher forgor our technology so we didn't get n wif meh friend we decided to go to deh shopping together n I only had 10 euroz on me n we have to buy lil thingz 4 deh high school n 4 meh *u_u*
So I bought lil earphones so when I wear a hat or ear muffz so it won't bother meh while my headphonez BOTHERS ME 
Especially when I wear an Ushanka...... so yeah
N also a metal ruler..... HUGE METAL BAR FALLING NOISE!!!!!
N also highlighterz coz deh color did attracted meh...
#victimofdehsocietyofcosumption
So wif meh friend we went in another beauty store n makeup n I saw a super cute pink blush which goes SO WELL on darkskin..... Except dat I will pay it.... My card won't pass, except dat I have deh money in it.... I WAS ASHAMEDDDDDDDDDDDD
#supermegashameofmylife
I think dat my mom put a roof so I won't spend my money when I buy sum stupidity....
My friend wanted to buy it for me but I refused. I assume my mistake n I will bought it next time, no hassle :') 
Anywayz I luved dis shopping session wif her ^^
Anywayz we gon redo it when we got money.... I LUV MAKING SHOPPING WIF MEH FRIENDZ 
Itz deh furst of December!
Mariah Carey juss defrosted!!!!ROFLOLOLOLOL
ANYWAYZZZZZZZ I act liek a larva coz am #sick @_@ but it won't change meh swag even I cannot do anything, I'm hurt everywhere !!
SO UH I NUN LOLZ
