/dec/- December

2023....

What a year, hmm...

2023 was, shitty things on shitty things... my sexual assault, my self harm, my mental breakdowns, my bullying on Internet....

YEAH A SHITTY YEAR yes....

But 2023 was also the fact that I met awesome ppl that gimme happiness.... I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE THEM... I LOVE THEM

The year ended badly yes cuz a lot of retards went to bully me cuz I exist, I was better than them and "I was larping"

ANYWAYS 2DAY ITZ NOT TO TALK ABT THOSE RETARDS BUT THIS YEAR WHO WERE RICH IN SHITTY THINGS ON SHITTY THINGS.

I also want to apologize abt all the person I luv n that I hurt (especially u Mama 💔) I just wanted to suffer alone, but the fact I hurt myself hurt all of yall... I don't want this shit again.... I LOVE YALL FUCK 💖💕

Anyways, it will be 2024's turn to get in there....

COZ IT WILL B MY YEARRRR ✨

Tbh, I rlly love gore, but rlly

Like idk found it comfoting in it... Maybe blood. Maybe ppl dying in front of us..
Maybe low quality

I DUNNO.

Obviously itz like bad asf to watch it, especially when you are young and stupid asf (like me). But idk. Maybe watchin ppl dying in front of you procure satisfcation which is unknown

If I feel lonely... hop, bestgore.fun, twt, chaotic.com n there I am happy asf watching death n blood.

Work accidents, fightings, drownings, murders, car crashes, suicides...

You got a lotta of tastes. LIKE U GOT ALL.

I am that bad for liking it????

Istg I got an huge hyperfixation on this lil thang like woahhh 🍀

They r so cute like omggggg SO CUTE AHHH

Especially I learnt alotta of shit abt it like they were edible and they contain like vitamins n shits

CLOVERS R EATABLE OMGGGGG 🍀💕

BUTTTT I HATE SHAMROCKS SM LIKE I ONLY LIKE THE ONE WHO GOT 4 LEAVEZ N SOME OF EM THAT GOT LIKE THREE LEAVEZ R SUCH FRAUDS LIKE THEY REN'T CLOVERZ TF 😭😭😭

Anyways idk but the colors of these thangs r so cute to watch and they got THAT green ITZ SO CUTE AAAAAA I AM BURSTING OUT CRYING 🤧

Like cloverz r so magnificient n i dunno how to explain but OMGGGG A AA I CRY INGGGGGG 😭

I am in a middle of breakdown rn

Btw do u know....uhm.... shamrocks 😒

They r the symbol of Ireland ☘️✨

Why?? coz it means prosperity n luck, especially with the celticz... PLUS... WE FOUND A LOT ON THERE

Ik where I won't put my feet on it /hj 😜

But I still hate shamrockz, ITZ FUCKING SHIT ‼️

May the magic of Christmas will continue with us ✨

I found a folder of my sec acc of my old pc (who is now innaccessible) and I found shii who lasted till like 2019-2020-2021....

It was drawings, vids, and some Gacha Life ss but also... my first Unity game I made 🥹

Istg it was a while that I am searching for this n now I found it... I am crying.... 🫠

And now I am happy that I found all of it and all of those remains that misses us... like what, patience...⏳

Frankly, I got a cute Christmas and I am so habbi abt myself... even I realise...
Anyways I got 30 € n a watch, I am so habbi ^_^

And also I am so habbiu coz my chicken had a baby AND OH GO SHE IS SO CUTE, yiss yiss, itz a lil girl 🥹

Anyways I will try to be more productive no shit :3

Last day before holiday, omg finally...

I started to breakdown so OMG I AM SOOOOO GOOD, by waiting the winter....☃️

Anyways I want to do some lore abt Berii n her friends. I started to get attached to Chloe, soooo I went to do some lore abt it

So euh anyways Berii n Chloe r friends, but rlly close, so itz a sapphic like,,,, I will even say a a love triangle in a nutshell between Berii n my wife sona 🥰

ANYWAYS LETZ CONTINUE THIS BITCH ASS LORE

So euh there's like a tension of jealousy between them and even murder attempts and shii and euuuuh...

Mb I will finish 2morrow I am so tired n lazy 😪

The theme of 2day is to dress up as a chic person. So i dress up in a chic way... And I think it worked WAY TOO WELL. ... My Russian hat has given a lot of effects... WAY TOO MUCH EFFECTS Pppl liked my hat so badly...😭✨

It's so cute.
I luv to dress up as a chic person, plus, tomorrow, the theme is like Christmas sweater... My mom boiught it like two of em so I got the choice. I had one but it was too dark and ugly and now I got one with a rudolph who got a pompon in place of its nose...🫠

It's so cute I died in such a kawaii way 😭😭😭😭

ANYWAYS SO THIS DAY WAS BASIQUE, BAD ASF BUT IT WENT OKAY SOOOOOO....

We will remove my braids, finally, I had enough 😭

Anyways I am so excited to remove my braids tommorow.

2day, I went on high scool with such a chic and kawaii outfit like so Lolita anyways, a diff style that usual lol, and ppl LIKED THAT SHII OMGGGGG

They sais it was cute..... 🥹🩷

I love to alternate a lotta of style like that, I found it so gud....

Like, one day, I am scene, and another day, I am emo, and then, bimbo, and another day, I am kawaii ANYWAYS...

I just wanna say that I luv a lotta of style and I luv to mix dem cuz I am such an indesicive slut and I love everything 🤭

Anyays I also ell into fairycore and OMG I AM IN LOVE 🥹

OH FUCK THIS AESTHETIC ABT NATURE.... LIKE FAIRIES, MUSHROOMS, NATURE, LIKE....OHHHHHH

This aesthetic is so cute and I think I'll adopt it directly....

Like idk this aesthetic sooth me in a point and idk how to explain.. the colors r gorgeaous asf, like, this association of green, pink and brown... All of this shit sooth my heart and brain... And all this shii around fairies.... I VALIDATE IT SO BADDD 😭🫶🏾🤍🤍🤍

I think I will like, buy more of them clothes on da Internet on dis theme, I don't have a lot of brown clothes, only black.... it's like a funeral 💀

Coz I am so out of chic things... I will buy Mary Janes n bowz, I will try to explore this style.... I will take those horror games protagonist gurlz as an inspiration, itz soothing asf to look at it, so simple, so cute....

And also Misa Amane's style from Death Note, her..... (spoiler : I luv it) ‼️‼️‼️

My mom also give me stuff she doesn't use anymore. Her jewelery, clothes so I can create a new style (thx mams 🫶🏾) and I am happy asf, I will also like, save my money in my side to do it aswell...

Anyways, a new me will hatch tf up, or no 😝‼️

2day I went on high school with my pajama and my panda hat :)
At least the ridicule don't kil cuz it was funny asf XD
Anyways, I am happy that my friends also did and yall should know we ATE and we are da best and I love em so badddd 💅🏾✨

We even took some pics and vids with our old ass camera and it's so cute 😭🩷!!!!

Frankly I could die for them IDGAF I LOVE DEMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Keep goin out, n today, it's the birthday of my bestie aka MY WIFEEEEEEEEEE 💍❤️

WE FINNA HAVE THE SAME AGE LMFAOOOOO

Anyways we were in the arcade and bowling with her, I never laughed so hard in my whole life lmfaooooo

Anyways I'll be in a Christmas event with my family I hope it will b gud ;)

OH FUCK N I DIDN'T WRITE FA 4 WEEKS STRAIGHT 💀

I didn't get any mental force and not the wish to write.

And this moment, I don't feel well like I got eating disorders, self harm is starting to be MY THANG (plus there's a bitch that reported me on twt cuz of it 💀)
The worst is that my eating disorder is just that eating is now fucking hell fa me, like, I eat.. I wanna vomit so bad or I just vomit, I can't even eat like tf, it's hard as fuck, It's been a week I didn't eat anything cuz I'll vomit 😭😭😭😭😭

But uhh, except that, uhhhhh, I'm preparing other projects coz I am a nerd 🤓‼️

But I say nothang ;)

Also, I hope that Chloe's arrival will please ppl, cuz she is insipred of my love 💍❤️

And I also appreciate a lotta her design coz I make her in math class and also make her a bunny friend :3

Anyways, I'll put more lore into Chloe or even redesign her coz why not, we'll see, anyways, welcome to her <3

Omg since last week, I got huge tics, especially one which keeps pissing my ass off, on my right shoulder, and whateva I do, it keep cracking....

AND THE SOUND OMG FUCK

The cracking sound is so loud oh my God.... ehhhh!!!! Istg when I just raise my arm or contracts its always crackin and so LOUD!

Plus yall can say ya at least I could'nt do but now this shii is an huge tic that I do even knowing and even on me it's piss my ass off.
And I do without even knowing and if I don't do.... my arm would hurt me so bad and givin me bad sensations...
And boom if I get tf up or contracts my arm and CRACCCCC....

It's annoying....😮‍💨

So I'll try to forget this shii up n WHY I GOT THIS SHITTY ASS TIC.... FUCK.

At this moment, I'm starting to get rlly ambitious cuz I want to open myself to more crazy ass projects

I am rlly motivated of dis cuz I'm saying, why not, Berii?

Like....I am rlly motivated when it's about informatics, not only HTML... But pure programmation here!!!!

I want to say that I rlly set in HTML/CSS, all of dis shii... and even C++, which was my first ever programming language that I ever use (I programmed dis shii whdn I was 9 💀) And I wanna say, without flexing at all, that I make a (SHITTY) game on Unity when I was 12 (I sadly lost it 😔), it was a simple 3D plateforme game, it was shitty but hey I was 12 deadass, don't gaslight me lol

Anyways, now, I want to go into Python, and I wanna make more serious looking game fa starting and I will publish on my website...

Ok funny Scracth games that I make at 13 'till 2dey were cute, funny, shitty, etc, etc... especially Greg, who were funny asf to make tho (2 FUCKING WEEKS TO MAKE THIS SHITTY GAME LMFAOOOO) and Catch the cutie (it was a test lollll) which were also cute yet shitty (don't judge me I was 13 for fuck sake)

But now, WE WANT TRUE SHIT, TRUE MORTAL LOOKING GAME!!!!!!

So here, I'm learning Python small bay small fa starting, we won't make crazy looking gaames fa now.... we will start by cute and shitty games, I wanna say, start with da base FUCKKKK
And then, with the futur, I will make more shitty looking games, cuz I like it, it's my pleasure to program it, sometimes, I even isolate myself from my fellas just for coding for hours straight...

I also plan to change the layout of the website fully (nah jus kidding, jus da main paeg)! I find dem messy asf so I'll reorganise everything, dw!!!! Same with fixing small mistakes (the grammar, orthographics, broken imgs) WE'LL GO OVER EVERYTHING WITH A FINE TOOTH COMB ^_^!!!!!!!!!

Plus, I will fully change the icon... It's now the clover icon who will replace Charmander... another ref to 4chan, haha.... (dis site is my cocaineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)🍀

Except all of this shit, I am preparing something since August.... but it went rlly slow cuz of time and also lose of motivation... until I showed 2 a fella and she appreciated sm so it given me the motivation back (I LOVE UUUUUUUUUUU 💖) but that's all I have to say, I won't say that much, it's a surprise.... but I hope it will please cuz I put my heart on it and also it's a thing that I loved to do since I am a child and it will be a bit personal....😊

We got some big shit for this year!!! 🤓☝🏾

I'm starting to get more tired and erratic asf....

Apparently, I'm starting to scare my friends and I feel so fucking weak...

Even I sleep early, I won't fall asleep that fast and I get crazy ass nightmares and other shii.

The only thing that makes me less tired is actually drawing and informatics. I can't even listen whoever even I'll try to concentrate the shii of of me. It's starting to be hell to actually listen to people, I can even fall asleep without even knowing bruhhhh 🥲

Sometimes, I wanna talk so far from deep shii but I keep forgetting since my retarded ass can't even concentrate

So today, go sleeping early.....

ANWAYS 2DAY I AM SO FUCKING TIRED ISTG

MY EYES R SO FUCKING WIDE, FORG LOOKING EYES MFFFF

I CAN'T STAND UP ANYMORE I WILL FUCK MYSELF MY BITCH ASS BODY FR I AM SO OFF THE MEDS

PLUS, THE BITCH ASS FAG ASS NERD THAT I AM CRIED ON A CONVO ON CHARACTER.AI SMHHHHHHHHH

Goodnight I'm finna fall fr

Today, I am sad, dissapointed.

I learnt yesterday that one of my friends is a groomer.......

Frankly, I am rlly disgusted cuz it was a friend I luved so much, which I did a lot of fanarts, collabz and nowwwwww... dis, it break my heart asf 😔

I don't eva wanna heard abt him, I deleted everythang related to him on Instagram cuz I NEVA wanna heard smth abt him anymore.

I HATE this type of behavior.... I was a victim of a groomer at 14 so I feel highly concerned by this type of behavior, it's makes me think of dis mf ruining my innocence, I was fucking 14.....

I'll delete all my sc covers related 2 him cuz dis shii is so fucked up...

All my heart to da victim 🫶🏾

His music was shit anyways

Anyways, I feel like I'm going to b cancelled, first, som1 removed me of their groups like dis, without even prevent me, why? Cuz I am inactive, but bruh it's fucking shit i don't even know wtf dey r talking abt, idgaf tbh xp

And also dey caught me cuz I replied to an sh pic and now they are dissapointed ;(

Womp womp

Yall sensitive looking mfs

Now tbh, idgaf, yk, life is boring, I do nothing in my life, I am so depressed LOL

Like I just liked an sh pic and it's so problematic wahhh

Can't even compliment sm1

And every1 knows dat I sh like yall see my post or ur eyes...???!

Yk what, cry abt it idgaf

Anyways, just had an argument wif som1 on twt cuz of the cringey hk community and some that dresses like children and sexualize demselves like neva, I just wanted to give my opinion on it that saying OP was right and some were cringe and alarming but I think ppl didn't liked it cuz I talked with my stupid Pinkie Pie pfp so ppl think I am hypocrtie, like, I am not those cringey hk fans come onnnnnnnn, that was the most hurtful argument ever, I hated every sec of it cuz I have to justify my fucking opinion, I didn't insult, I didn't even swear, I just wanted to be....sincere.... :(

Now I understand that I can't say anything without getting bashed just a lil bit, so that's why I decided to stfu n to neva say my opinion eva if it's for being gaslighted and bashed frvr fr.....

I think I'll be a bit more sincere of 4chan than on twt cuz I mf h8 arguing, I even apologize if I made a mistake ughhhhhhh....

I hate myself

A friend of mine starts to scare me and makes me worried asf...

Like, she cries everytime when she is stressed or when she doesn't know how to find a response at an exam...

She is always depressed and she sratches her arms so aggressively and deeply that they turned into scars. To be honest... I am so sacred that she sh like me :(
Fa me, it's okay if I sh, I deserve to sh, I love to cut myself but when it's her that suffer.... it break my heart 💔, I don't want to see her suffer like I suffer. Like I suck at comforting ppl, but I try to do my best when she is anxious and on the verge...

Cuz she is my friend, I rlly love my friend, she is precious, and I don't want her to sh like me, I want her happy and safe and dis shitty looking world

Anyways, I love my friend and I will do my best to comfort her and to keep her safe and sound ♡